good times
So far so good. After writing two kind of bleak entries---I can say that I am doing much better now. I took a vacation home on the range of Indiana, and it was what I needed. Not only did I commune with nature (as in creating a veg garden with my dad and loving my old back yard) but I got to spend quality time with both parents and see a few old friends as well. It felt good to be around all those people again. The last day I unfortunately had a shit thing happen (but you know that shit helps grow beautiful flowers---that everything happens for a reason--basically) and I am convinced that my former childhood best friend is one side of nutty and that runs in all her family. It is hard though seeing as she has been my friend for 15 years and now is fine with a controlling husband dictating who she can and can't be friends with. Morrigirl once said that the end of a long friendship is like a break-up. And it does feel like it. But I am just amazed how nuts they are. Point is---I was happy to head on back to chicago. I figure I will try this chicago look for job thing out for a few weeks, and if nothing happens I have a second possible option of working at a youth center in muncie, indiana (which wouldn't be bad for a year).

One of the places I applied to, did call me back for an interview on Monday, so I am really excited. And I just spent some time with an old friend of mine from high school. We haven't really hung out since high school so it is like meeting someone all over again, and he's an awesome guy that I am glad I am renewing my friendship. Time just passes so quickly, and I enjoy it.

To all my friends, you know who you are, I send my love and a big hug and a big teddy bear with a china cup and a bit of tea inside.

to those of you I don't know---have a great day and maybe I will know you someday.

peace I am happy, content, and I just bought a new favor of cheese (the world is good once again).

Last night I had a dream about my village of Tabanco. It's odd how much I dream about that place. I feel a part of me is there, like I cut off a chunk of myself and left it there to grow. Today I don't have very many things to do,but I really need to work on my resume. Found like that 'disks' are supposed old school, and everyone has jump drives now, so I am going to search for an internet cafe that uses disks. Feeling okay, but need for improvement. I like not having as much to do today though, I can relax and soak in my solitude.

I feel like a country girl in the big city, even though the only time I lived in the country was Peace Corps. Everyone dresses so trendy here. People don't say hello to each other. The only way you can get people to talk to you is if you ask for directions. People seem wary, as if they expect this hoosier do-gooder girl of havoc. I know once I start a rhythm, I'll be fine. Because right now my only rhythm seems to be getting lost, and I am a pro at that. In latin america, I loved getting lost because that was the only way that I found my way and it was good practice for spanish and I never felt threatened or that people judged me by my lack of directions. Here most people exhibit such attutide. I'm not used to it. I'm wondering if this was the right choice, should I have stayed home longer to spend time with my folks and old high school friends since I have been gone for almost 2 and a half years. Ugh. Although I keep my sense of humor, I have not had a good time all together. I also helped kdc4evr pack. She is so excited about moving and I am happy for her. But I wish that she could stay longer. It's nice to have an ally in this big town of a city. I am hoping that things will get better. Poco a poco we always said in Peace Corps, little by little. Little by little you get used to things. I just feel like I don't have much support in Chicago. My friends that I have here are so busy with their lives (understandably) that I feel I am on my own most of the time. I can be tough. I did a good job at Peace Corps because I was tough. But I'm tired of being tough. Can't things come easily for once? I feel like I have to put on high boots because I will be walking in the mud for a while.

in a state of blah
So, this is my first journal entry, and I have to say that a public journal is an odd concept for me, though it is appealing, and I am not sure how long I will stay tuned and write. I am back from the peace corps and have been here for about 3 weeks, and it is a state of dream. I feel like I need to touch these trees to know that they really exist. I find myself being a state of lazy and bored, which makes it seem impossible to get of. But today, being one of those days that reminds you that the midwest has beautiful days even in April, caused me to get off my ass and walk outside to the local public library. One thing that I love about public libraries is that every type of person is here, and that diversity is interesting. SO it is a beautiful day, I am surrounded by books and I am listening to the blues on my discman, I hope that my blah blah mood will vanish. Here's to wishing.


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